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We hope Teresa has tossed tables on some basics in prison, tbh, but they’re probably bolted down. We have to give Flo props for literally limping toward Amber to start their battle. The resulting spat is one for the ages, climaxing when Lauren throws her phone down and wails, “[Spencer]’s a SUCKY PERSON! We like to call this one the Battle of the Oily Oafs.

A shade-throwing match between these two kweens turns quasi-violent after Karlie jerks the table in anger. After Teresa’s brother Joe calls her “scum,” her husband Joe barges in—basically banging his chest—and demands he apologize to her.

There’s rowdy, and then there’s the New York’s mouth?

That’s what it looks like, but regardless, this is some effed up tomfoolery. Banks’ fiery rant is now a monologue used by actors all over the world.

But Brother Joe has a better idea: ram into Husband Joe like a linebacker and start brawling like wasted frat stars.

There’s hair-pulling, (almost) shoe-hurling, and—of course—copious saliva. Then, Deelishis attempts to get in New York’s face, but security stops her. (We get it: That’s not cool, and an actual crime, but homeboy’s reaction is just too much.) “Was it f—king yours to open up, you stupid b—ch?! Conrad is understandably PO’ed after Spencer (and possibly Heidi) pushed LC’s ex Brody Jenner and her longtime BFF Jen Bunney together at Jen’s 21st birthday.

As if calling for back-up, all of the girls then charge toward New York; security tries (and sort of fails) to hold them back. ” Dan asks Melissa in the most misogynistic, condescending tone. Table flipping, incoherent screaming, and the phrase “prostitution whore”—what more could you want in a reality TV fight? Had security not stepped in, this would’ve gotten crazy brutal. Amber and Flo found this out the painful way (i.e.: a busted ankle and falling on hard cement). Heidi claims she had nothing to do with it, but Lauren smells bulls—t.