JUST BE YOURSELF(-ISH): THE ART OF THE PROFILE Displaying your guts by completing questions like “On a typical Friday night I am…” and “I’m really good at…” will make you feel self-conscious and absurd— and that’s normal.
Relax, don’t overthink it, and remember that what you’re putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.
Once you’re sitting in front of her with the less-than- 15-percent hair loss that she’s handicapped your photo for, then you can really get to know each other—as two hormone-leaking, masochistic adults who want so badly to be in love again.—Mary H. So let your freak/geek/pedantic-wine-lover flag fly. I have AMAZING friends who love to ski and drink too much Chablis!
ABOUT HIM: “I’m a dreamer, plain and simple.” SAYS HE’S LOOKING FOR: “My muse, my Helen of Troy. YOU MIGHT BE HIM IF: “This is embarrassing, but I sobbed during The Vow” appears in your profile. Like, WAY underemployed.”SAYS HE’S LOOKING FOR: “A chill girl who likes watching movies and laying low.” IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR: A chill girl who likes watching movies and laying low. FAVORITE MOVIES AND TV SHOWS: Harold & Kumar, Smurfs 3D, David the Gnome, Yo Gabba Gabba! [Ed note: Remaining 193 redacted for space.] YOU MIGHT BE HIM IF: You’re reading this and thinking, “Whoaaaaaaa, man! Wouldn’t this same sentiment—”I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me”—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? SAY IT WITH US: NO MORE BATHROOM SELFIES “White can wash out in photos, so if you’re in shape, a simple well-fitting crew tee or Henley in gray is flattering and effortless.
A woman who wants to stay up all night smoking Gauloises and talking about Keats.” IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR: A woman who will listen to him talk all night. ABOUT HIM: “I’m not like all those uptight douches with their snoozy banker jobs and lame date plans.” SAYS HE’S LOOKING FOR: “No more boring girls! SAYS HIS MOTTO IS: “I work hard so I can play hard.” WHAT HE ACTUALLY MEANS: “I spend Friday nights doing vodka shots and watching porn until I pass out.” HIS FIRST MESSAGE: “You into mavericks? YOU MIGHT BE HIM IF: You’ve ever done a magic trick at a bar. To look more put together, try dark jeans, a slim-collar shirt, and a well-tailored suit jacket in gray—it reads more casual than black, less preppy than navy.” 5.