Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled.
I could no longer connect to my toys in a way that allowed me to participate in the experience.
Cognitively, you might know that different things are happening to you, but they don't feel very different.
But as I grew older, it became harder and harder to access that expansive imaginary space that made my toys fun.
I remember looking at them and feeling sort of frustrated and confused that things weren't the same.
I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys.
Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I absolutely should be allowed in the deep end of the pool, especially since I was such a talented doggy-paddler.