You need to understand that they believe their reality even if, to you, it is not logical.
None of these ways validate a child’s feelings; in fact they are the opposite.
She posits that their problems occur because of an emotional vulnerability of the child and maladaptive or inadequate responses from their environment to emotion modulation strategies.
She suggests that a child can have problems either because parents are unable to sooth their children due to the child’s over emotionality and /or the over emotionality of the child creates an environment that causes the parents to react in invalidating ways.
When parents use validation the emotionality of a person with borderline will decrease.
This strategy will help those with ill spouses and/or ill parents too.