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Students are eating pizza and mingling with, among others, a sad clown in a rainbow wig. What I do know is that Converse will soon become the scene of a deadly crime. The audience has been invited to participate in an evening of speed-dating with the characters, each played by a member of the troupe. This year, it’s titled “Till Death Do Us Part,” and it combines the fun of homicide with the horrors of searching for true love.

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In addition to Sasquatch, the Premium Members include: After the video introductions, we head back out to the lobby for another round of speed-dates, so the Premium Members can officially choose dates to take out on the town. When we return to the Red Room, they are blindfolded and handcuffed together in couples, as per the rules of date night. Also, Art’s notebook did not come from outer space at all; Sasquatch recognizes the chicken-scratch as his own—he had been attempting to write poetry and a memoir in the book when it went missing.

When the dates conclude, we all flood back to the lobby.

The lobby of Converse Hall looks different tonight. The host characters, a blue-collar Southern couple named Clevus and Harley Busch (Ben Schweizer ’09 and Bree Barton ’07), are founders of the matchmaking Website e

The area near the elevator has been roped off as an “archeological dig site.” Fliers on the walls and columns feature slogans such as Aliens are People, Too and Human? As I wander around the lobby and watch everyone schmooze, I feel shy and out-of-place, just as I would in a real social situation.

Did Harley’s pet beaver gnaw through Nixie’s wrist? Eventually, I find Sasquatch sitting alone, looking upset and holding Nixie’s hand (just the hand).